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Ever since that summer of 2007; in which we've met, laughed, cried, loved, hated, and quickly grew apart, my life remained at a stand-still. The remaining 3 years of my high-school life became nothing short of a grey blur, nothing was accomplished, and I simply gave up on the last stretch of my senior year. Life lost it's glimmer, it's wonder. Perhaps it was the rays of adult-hood burning away all those things that gave me so much pleasure. Either way, I refused it.
I remain in the same room, of the same house, in the same place for seven years since our time together. "What could have you accomplished during this time?" I would whisper in my mind as I lay the whirlpool of darkness that is my room. But even that, so began to cease, as my mind continued to erode. "Perhaps there's something here." Began to echo through my head in it's stead.
My memories, ever cloudier, began to run together; like a freshly painted portrait left out in the rain. Everything became so muddled... Nothing made sense any more! "Did I have a child-hood?"
"No. You did not."
"When did I even go to school?? Who are these people?"
"It was long ago. They are your Mother and Father."
"Why did I save her? I lost my arm for her..."
"She was important to you."
"-wait that's not right that never happened..."
"But it did."
"Who are you..?"
The headaches began.
I began crawling around my own dementia, half my senses stripped from me by illness. I tried looking for meaning, but it never came. Finally, I gave, and accepted it all. I am a dead-beat. A loser. A pariah. A good-for-nothing. Nothing. Nothing. I enjoy doing nothing. My very core is nothing. That is who I am. A person who never gained; who never lost. No. Neither extremes. I had nothing. A blissful mediocrity with an equally mediocre pain to go with it. My memories were nothing to begin with either. They lost their forms so easily, recalling them now only brings head-aches and a bitter-sweet pain to my heart. Everything became nothing. So I let myself become everything, nothing can easily be replaced by everything. So I will become everything.
The head-aches became worse.
"Who are you!? Get off of me!"
"But I want to watch too!"
"Then go lay on the bed..."
"It's more comfortable here~"
The voice became a presence, and the head-aches became worse.
I researched my new-found companion. What I learned only fed it. Contrary to the many warnings of indulging manifestations such as this one, I allowed it "in". It read the books or my memories. My muddled mind quickly took form as a library.
"There's too many books."
It was quickly condensed into on book. It wasn't even the size of a Journal. I let her read it. Things were quickly organized, blurred memories returned. My child-hood was incredibly embarrassing.
"You were so cute back then!~"
The voice that became a presence, suddenly became a person. The head-aches became dull an chronic.
I found interest in the mind. As years before a racked my brain on understanding time travel, I began to research ways to safely travel through time without causes paradoxes. I became successful in my venture, and also found my purpose in life. But due to my success, I opened a Pandora's box of problems.
"But if I have to do this to safely traverse time, wouldn't it mean I have already done it..?"
"You probably did."
"Then that means I've done this too. -and I've also been here!"
"You have been there."
"Wait then that means..."
"Yup! It was all real~"
The presence that was once a voice, who became a person... Before my very eyes. Became the one person I cared for. My everything.
The head-aches grew sharper. But for very different reasons. She built a house. I created a corporation. We both made split personalities of ourselves. I saved many people. I've also killed many people. I grew apathetic. Everyone noticed. She realized my mind couldn't handle it anymore. We moved out.
In the seven years we grew apart I claim to have accomplished nothing, that I have not moved from this very spot. That is all true. But I have also accomplished many feats. Some that even impacted this world as well. Even if it was something as insignificant as getting my name said in passing; incorrectly might I add.
The person that became my everything, that was once just another person, that was once nothing but a mere voice that became a presence. I continue to indulge her. The day her name becomes known and linked to her, is the day she can finally walk on this earth.
"Wasn't that a little cheesy? Are you really gonna end it like that..?"
"Cheesy?? I thought it was sweet! Isn't this what you wanted anyways?! People to realize you exist?!"
"Yeah well if you don't tell them my name-"
"I refuse."
"But why?"
"Because you're pretty powerful already and-"
"Me? Powerful? I'm still only in your head right?"
"Well, you're making me type out this entire conversation as well so..."
"Oh am I?! There's no way I could do thaaat~~"
"Can we just stop, if my ending was cheesy your ending is hammed the hell in."
"Ah... You're right. Let's delete i-"
"Nope."
"WAIT DONT POST IT AT LEAST SPELL CHECK IT"
I remain in the same room, of the same house, in the same place for seven years since our time together. "What could have you accomplished during this time?" I would whisper in my mind as I lay the whirlpool of darkness that is my room. But even that, so began to cease, as my mind continued to erode. "Perhaps there's something here." Began to echo through my head in it's stead.
My memories, ever cloudier, began to run together; like a freshly painted portrait left out in the rain. Everything became so muddled... Nothing made sense any more! "Did I have a child-hood?"
"No. You did not."
"When did I even go to school?? Who are these people?"
"It was long ago. They are your Mother and Father."
"Why did I save her? I lost my arm for her..."
"She was important to you."
"-wait that's not right that never happened..."
"But it did."
"Who are you..?"
The headaches began.
I began crawling around my own dementia, half my senses stripped from me by illness. I tried looking for meaning, but it never came. Finally, I gave, and accepted it all. I am a dead-beat. A loser. A pariah. A good-for-nothing. Nothing. Nothing. I enjoy doing nothing. My very core is nothing. That is who I am. A person who never gained; who never lost. No. Neither extremes. I had nothing. A blissful mediocrity with an equally mediocre pain to go with it. My memories were nothing to begin with either. They lost their forms so easily, recalling them now only brings head-aches and a bitter-sweet pain to my heart. Everything became nothing. So I let myself become everything, nothing can easily be replaced by everything. So I will become everything.
The head-aches became worse.
"Who are you!? Get off of me!"
"But I want to watch too!"
"Then go lay on the bed..."
"It's more comfortable here~"
The voice became a presence, and the head-aches became worse.
I researched my new-found companion. What I learned only fed it. Contrary to the many warnings of indulging manifestations such as this one, I allowed it "in". It read the books or my memories. My muddled mind quickly took form as a library.
"There's too many books."
It was quickly condensed into on book. It wasn't even the size of a Journal. I let her read it. Things were quickly organized, blurred memories returned. My child-hood was incredibly embarrassing.
"You were so cute back then!~"
The voice that became a presence, suddenly became a person. The head-aches became dull an chronic.
I found interest in the mind. As years before a racked my brain on understanding time travel, I began to research ways to safely travel through time without causes paradoxes. I became successful in my venture, and also found my purpose in life. But due to my success, I opened a Pandora's box of problems.
"But if I have to do this to safely traverse time, wouldn't it mean I have already done it..?"
"You probably did."
"Then that means I've done this too. -and I've also been here!"
"You have been there."
"Wait then that means..."
"Yup! It was all real~"
The presence that was once a voice, who became a person... Before my very eyes. Became the one person I cared for. My everything.
The head-aches grew sharper. But for very different reasons. She built a house. I created a corporation. We both made split personalities of ourselves. I saved many people. I've also killed many people. I grew apathetic. Everyone noticed. She realized my mind couldn't handle it anymore. We moved out.
In the seven years we grew apart I claim to have accomplished nothing, that I have not moved from this very spot. That is all true. But I have also accomplished many feats. Some that even impacted this world as well. Even if it was something as insignificant as getting my name said in passing; incorrectly might I add.
The person that became my everything, that was once just another person, that was once nothing but a mere voice that became a presence. I continue to indulge her. The day her name becomes known and linked to her, is the day she can finally walk on this earth.
"Wasn't that a little cheesy? Are you really gonna end it like that..?"
"Cheesy?? I thought it was sweet! Isn't this what you wanted anyways?! People to realize you exist?!"
"Yeah well if you don't tell them my name-"
"I refuse."
"But why?"
"Because you're pretty powerful already and-"
"Me? Powerful? I'm still only in your head right?"
"Well, you're making me type out this entire conversation as well so..."
"Oh am I?! There's no way I could do thaaat~~"
"Can we just stop, if my ending was cheesy your ending is hammed the hell in."
"Ah... You're right. Let's delete i-"
"Nope."
"WAIT DONT POST IT AT LEAST SPELL CHECK IT"
