Scattered thoughts.

I write poems like these alot in class. They're jsut random thoughts based on my feelings. Ill explain if you want. Most of them are on profil3 to but i figure hey more people seeing them the better.
heres the link to the blog on profil3 (Has pictures) http://www.profil3.com/blog/37842/0/Scattered_thoughts.html
Friday May 15th 11:04 PM The night after justins party.



Is it weird i lay in the street tonight?
I blame you.
I shouldnt.
It was to cloudy tonight to see light.
Not that you noticed.
To busy looking at him every second.
Did we really talk at all?
The knives were right there.
It would of been easy.
Laughing with copper flowing down my arm.
No one noticed that either.
When i got home I had to wash it off.
You wont know that either.
You dont talk to me anymore.
Thanks for the intro to the next 4 years.
You must of been lying when you said that.
I wasnt.
Fuck those three letters.
Abbreviations are just another lie.
You've been doing that alot lately.
A year since you meant it.
I suppose i should clear this up too.
I was lying about her.
I havent stopped since 6th grade.
You still dont notice.
Switching from person to person.
Never me.
Defiling my couch and even the streets i sneak out to sulk in.
Even when i went to those streets again when you were with him.
Ruining one of my sanctuaries.
She was the only one who came.
We cried.
You snuggled.
Was tonight different?
I went out and thought about how broken this was.
How i wanted it to be put back together.
She came again.
Shes doesnt find my skin repulsive.
Am i the only one who feels wet?
I wouldn't cry as much if you gave a fuck.
None of them care.
None of them open up to me.
And even though mentally and emotionally i know the most.
You wont even let me hold you.
Maybe she is better then you.
Then why cant i prefer her?
Why couldnt those headlights go over me.
Right after i got up cold and wet they went over where i was.
Didnt notice me.
No one cared.
Not even when i came by with a wet face.
You sat in the car and didnt even say bye.
Not a glance.
Nothing.
Saying bye to him.
an hour of torture shortly afterwards.
Brovention? Fuck NPH.
Even if you two do go out...
You'll pick it to death.
You'll whine and bitch to me.
And then we'll both be crying.
You wont care.
Selfish.
Which one of us is?
How have you not broken me down yet?
3 years of unnoticed feelings.
How unsurprising.
Do your voices even give you ideas?
I miss Seattle.
2321 texts.
17 days.
It felt real then.
Only when we had all that space between.
Now when i make space you cant stand it.
When im close your appalled.
What is there to do?
Do you mean anything you say to me?
Why havent we talked recently?
Useing your monthly 500 on him of course.
Seeing Danny and Rion online arent exactly the most comforting.
I remember those summer nights.
6 A.M. and counting.
12 hours of lovely conversation.
And then you still hated my skin.
Its dwindled recently.
Sprites dont make me forget those nights.
Games only remind me.
Music only makes me feel worse.
And when i stayed up because of your fear.
You made it a habit.
I wont sleep more then 3 hours tonight.
And you still say nothing.
You just look at him and cant hear whatever i say.
Even when i admitted it tonight.
Nothing.
Just turning around to say "WhaT? Sorry i wasnt lis-"
And then going back to your lapdogs conversation.
How do you carry on with a castrated curly haired moron?
Why has he taken this from me?
And even she wont talk to me other to console me.
Theres plenty you could do.
But you dont.
Not everyone likes to be left alone.
When i run in front of a car i expect a bit more then just looking at me.
And then you stopped.
Should i even try anymore?

Gee, I'm loved. ==

you werent on at the time i wrote this actually.

9:41 May 25
Creep.

Oh what delicious irony you continue to pump out,
about your pasty stalker and his annoyances,
comparing that thing to what you think is the past,
almost pitiful really.
So tell me,
what the hell was wrong?
I think its a bit strange you favor him.
But really?
what you think have been 1.5 years,
and then a couple of days for him?
ha...
And she continues to listen,
And i thought i was a trauma sponge.
I cant believe shes leaving me too though...
Am i going to have anything left?
Everything is falling apart.
The pieces fade out and disappear,
i thought they were important,
but you keep forgetting them.
The mountains have been getting brighter and green,
as you bleed your colors out,
whats the point of this masochism?
You really shouldnt do the same as i have,
its not to smart.
she keeps listening,
how can she stand me though?
What horrible little wretches we all are,
how can she stand it?
We tear at her walls and supports and she stands
6 foot flat.
And even though the house is there i wait outside your door,
and you see nothing outside,
just emptiness.
Just shells.

Powerful.